Budapest - tongue in cheek

Tongue twister: The lion at the centre of all the fuss

As I landed at Budapest airport courtesy of a low cost airline that will remain nameless I went straight to the tourist information. I picked up a map, instructions of the best way to get into town and headed for the train station.

I glanced at the map I saw plenty of adverts around the outside. You know, the usual ones. Discounts at museums, local pizza places, where you can pick up a call girl... Yes, that's right ladies and gentlemen. Budapest unashamedly advertises such services on the maps provided by the friendly tourist information advisers.

Next up was a walk around the city, from Buda to Pest and back to Buda again, across the many bridges I noticed a concrete statue of a lion. But this was no ordinary lion. This one had no tongue. It was the same on both sides of the Széchenyi Chain Bridge. I later learnt, legend has it, that the creator of the statues, János Marchalkó, jumped into the Danube when people began to make fun of the tongue-less beasts he'd created.

Anyway, whilst I was being distracted by all this I was nearly run over by a cyclist who seemed to have no intention of stopping as he careered towards me. I just managed to exclaim an expletive before diving out of the way. What a bastard!

This would not be the only occasion I would have to dodge out of the way of locals speeding towards me at an alarming rate as plenty of out of control skate boarders hog the streets (and paths), coming round corners faster than a McLaren or a Ferrari at the nearby Hungaroring.

After just about manage to keep all my limbs intact I decided it might be safer to use the metro. As good as this was (it can hardly be as bad as London) there was still an element of frustration (or perhaps amusement, depending on if you were in a hurry or not) as the escalators would have people scattered from side-to-side, as opposed to the conventional; standing people on one side, those late for their plane or have a serious case of diarrhoea charging up/down the other.

At least there was the opportunity to indulge in one of my favourite travel past-times: eating. And, by and large, Budapest is pretty good on this front. Plus, it can offer pretty good value if you manage to locate one of the all you can eat and drink (yes, drink!) buffets. Now, in the UK such eateries serve up terrible food, but not here. The meat is good, as is the goulash.

If you fancy dipping a little deeper, but not too deeply, into your pocket there is a delightful food offering down by the river on a Sunday afternoon. If you are really lucky, you may even be deafened by a local band as you enjoy your lunch.

As I wait at the airport to head off elsewhere I am astounded as one person on security says to another: "Can she (pointing at a tourist about to embark on a flight) take this on board?" As she did so I realised said item was in fact a knife. Ah, the times we live in, eh?